Week 13

So there i am just walking around you know  minding my our business, and out of no where there is a huge bang and im running like crazy to get away from it. You know the day was going decently until you know some human decided to shoot at me and made me freak out and run all over the place like a  chicken with its head cut off! Things like this happen around this time of year, every year! god humans are such butt heads.. i dont like this time of year i am always scared and hiding. no fun no fun at all

Week 16

This year has been a year i will remember. When the year started out I wasn't happy, i was anything but happy, i was really behind in school, I didn't partake in any activities besides choir which I have done my entire life so it wasn't anything new. I didn't want to go to college, I had no goals for myself. I was having panic attacks daily. I was hospitalized for my anxiety and depression, was there for one week. And got out feeling better but was very stressed because I was really behind in school before i was admitted to the hospital but missing an entire week of school and having to come back and jump back into the way of things was terrible. But when the year was over I was okay. I got my first job doing home health care, (I now have two jobs doing home health care). I went to a Panic! at the Disco concert with my best friend (her first concert) and a Shinedown concert with my boyfriend last month (his first concert). This school year I started off doing all that i could do to get my grades up because i knew i could do better than what i had been doing so i tried and i almost had all As and Bs (one C and it was like 2 percentage points from being a B). The way i am going as of right now i will have 5 1/2 extra credits when i graduate. Im doing cheer leading, and im very happy because im making friends, and reconnecting with my sister, who honestly is my greatest friend. And most of all im Happy im very happy with the way my life going right now, things are good, i am good. Life is good, and thats honestly the first time i have ever been able to say that i truly, truly mean it.

Week 11

Why did the chicken cross the road? dont know? me either. lets be honest none of us know why the chicken crossed the road. Maybe he did it just to get to the other side because the chicken is lame and has no other reason for crossing the road. or maybe he crossed the road because he was running away from the farm he was living on. Or like my mom says, "to get run over by me". Yes my mother ran over a freaking chicken because thats a normal thing to do is just randomly hit a chicken that was running across the road. but honestly who knows? and who cares? not me....

Week 12

So if im being honest. I have a ton of Taylor Swift on my playlist. And its not new its old like "Our Song" because me and my sister were on a really bad Taylor Swift kick a few years ago. Me and my sister Hailee will sing any Taylor Swift song if we know it and honestly, not embarrassed. I remember me, my sister, and my cousin Sami would sit upstairs in my  house and we would just talk about music and my cousin showed us a song she thought was wonderful, and it wasnt ever really popular, but it was "Better than Revenge" by Taylor Swift. And we spent that entire night listening to that song on repeat, learning every single word. When my cousin comes over sometimes we will listen to that song and laugh and yes we still sing every single word to the song we learned so many years ago.

Week 15

Snow.. Well its really beautiful and fluffy looking. Believe it or not snow is really a pain. When there is snow there is ice. When there is ice its hard to drive, and if you are anything like me you fall on your butt every single time it snows. Snow is nice it really is it can be fun when there are people plowing and salting the roads to make sure that no ice covers the roads. Its really fun to sled in the snow, that is the only part about the snow that makes it all worth suffering for. oh and seeing my puppy play in the snow is also worth it.

Week 10

I think that out of all the villains in the world, Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange) and Hannibal Lector (Silence of the Lambs). I would think that they would have gone through many battles to make it to this point. And the final "battle" would be a vote. A vote from a ton of other villains to decide who they want to represent them as a whole. The group the vote will be taken from will get a detailed list of the terrible things they have done, and a list of crimes (yes they will be different) they have committed. From the time they were able to walk to now. 
  

Week 14

In the time that I have been here I've changed, a lot. Most things are good. When I moved here, I didn't really care about anything, I was quite, I didst want to do anything with my life. I had no goals. Last year, I had friends, still no goals, and most more than anything I didn't want to live, I lost my will to live. I hated myself more than any of you can think. I finally got help, I did what I needed to do. Got the meds to help me. But I still wasn't okay with who I was. I stopped taking my meds, and over the summer I found something that made me okay with who i was. Now I love myself, I have high hopes for what im going to do with my life when I leave this place. I love living. And this year ive decided im going to make it something I can tell my kids about, proudly.

" I just want to look back and say I did it the best I could while I was stuck in this place." 

                                       ~Dazed and Confused 

Week 9

So I am going to write about my top ten favorite bands..

1. Sleeping with Sirens 
   So this has been my favorite band since almost 7th grade. I know every song and i have seen them in concert.
Favorite Song: The Strays
2. PVRIS
  These people opened at the Sleeping with Sirens and that was the first tiem i had ever heard of them, now they make my top ten list.
Favorite Song: Holy
3. I Prevail
   I have also seen these people in concert. My ex boyfriend showed them to me, and i instantly became obsessed.
Favorite Song: Scars
4. Crown the Empire 
   So again I have seen these guys in concert... I've listened to them on and off since 7th grade and after the concert I listened to them more.
Favorite Song: Makeshift Chemistry
5. Green Day
   This one of the two on this list i have not seen in concert, but I have a plan in mind.... Favorite Song: Holiday
6. Panic! at the Disco 
   I have seen these guys in concert with Anna, at the college I want to go to. I was honestly on of the best experiences I have had.
Favorite Song: Halleljuah
7. Hollywood Undead
   I went to see these guys at the same concert as I Prevail, and Crown the Empire.
Favorite Song: Bullet
8. Five Finger Death Punch
   This was my second concert and I went with my friend Kinyon, and Chamille. We had our faces painted and it was just wonderful. I plan on going to see them again!!
Favorite Song: Bad Company
9. Blessthefall
   This band was one I hadn't heard of when i went to their concert but they sounded cool so I took my friend Chamille, and Luke. First concert I had ever moshed at and it was PERFECT!!
  Favorite Song: You wear a crown but you're no king
10. Fall out Boy 
   Fall out Boy is just a band everyone likes and this is the second one i haven't seen in concert but I always try when they are near.
Favorite Song: Sugar We're Going Down

Week 5

I honestly believe that in the future there will be a lot more new technology involved in peoples daily lifes. and yes people will still be around i promise that we will be here for much longer than people think. But in the future they will have self driving cars, they will have cars that dont have to use gas but will powered by something different. Most people will be very very VERY lazy i honestly think that people wont be able to function as well as we do right now. i think everyone will be very dependent on technology to help them with simple everyday things, and honestly i dont think i would like that very much.

Week 7

My daughter won’t stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn’t help. She never stops and her screams sound just like they did the night she died. She never was a loud kid, she never just screamed when she was playing, but I didnt think twice when I heard her scream. I knew i should check on her but apart of me just thought that she just seen a spider or something. Her screams haunt me, an they wont stop, they never stop, all i hear is her. Everyone says im crazy, everyone tells me i need to just relax. but they dont know they cant hear her screams like i can.. No one knows my only daughter haunts me everynight when i close my eyes. 

Week 8

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."


I look at my cousin, I haven't seen her since we found out she had a still birth and my cousins beautiful baby girl was taken up to heaven. We sold all of the things we got for her to help pay for the baby coffin, and the cost of everything else. I was all just much for us to handle and deal with. Trying to be there for my cousin when all I wanted to do was cry. I was the first one she told when she found out and she talked about the pregnancy. I helped her pick her name and now I had to help her pick what font to use on the head stone to write her beautiful name. I will never forget writing the sign and putting it up, trying to keep my head up, trying not to cry. Having to tell all the people who came by that we were all okay and repeating it over and over again to random strangers who had no idea who i was. Random people hugging me and telling me it will be okay, and God just wanted her to come home. I didn't believe that or anything else anyone told me, it was just a terrible thing and there was no way to explain why it happened. The worst part about this is that the doctors couldn't tell us what happened, no one knew why. We were stuck, trying to pay for the funeral, for the headstone, and we didn't know why we had to do that. Nothing made sense. My cousin who i was so close to became so distant and started doing some really heavy drugs, and she hasn't been the same since, and I don't think she will ever been the same, because she will never see her baby girl grow up, or even take her first steps, she wont see her again, and all my cousin seen of her baby girl was the still and silent baby laying in her arms and laying in a coffin.


This story isnt made up, its real. And it still hurts to talk about it. even years later.

Week 6

I wouldn't read a book if it told me the answers to everything. I like not knowing, and there is something about it that I just find wonderful. A world full of people who do not know make this world great, its why we have to go to school and its why we end up with the experiences we have. If we knew everything we wouldn't be able to learn. Sometimes things are better if you didn't know why. I mean you gotta keep things mysterious or it wouldn't be fun! I would be tempted to read it and I know it would be hard not to read it. I like to value the things I work hard to learn and understand. And being able to understand isnt something we should just be given, its something we need to work for.

Week 4

Time is honestly just a concept that we have created because life is all about doing things and we "needed" to know when all the things we had, things we wanted, and the things we need fit in with our lives. Lets think about it, the reason time is so useful is because we have to know when we have to be at a work or school or something and I wont sit here and tell you its not helpful it really is, but theres a point where the concept of time becomes to much for everyone to handle. Some people time is good and its a great thing, but for others it just doesn't make sense and I'm one of those people.

Week 3

I think I know a lot about people who try to hard to make other people happy. Honestly, most the time people who help others to much come to me for advice and how to deal with it and I actually love when people come to me for help. And I know how to help them, I'm not an expert yet but I plan on becoming one. I like helping people and when they ask me what to do, and when they get overwhelmed with everyone else's problems, or almost anything they ask about normally my answer is something I have said to almost everyone who has ever asked me for help. "There comes a point where you have to put yourself before others, no matter how hard it is." People don't understand how hard it is to stop helping people because you need help, its hard to tell them "I cant help you because I need help too" and it doesn't make sense to most people, especially the people youre trying to help. sometimes the get angry and really upset with you but the people who don't are going to be the people who are going to support you when you need it. and that's a true friend.

Week 2

I will not be doing this blog. It will only upset me and bring me down and I know it will do that so, I will post something only so you have something to comment on. I might do this later but nor right now.

Week 1

School this year is going really well and I hope it stays that way the rest of the year. I seem to be doing okay in all of my classes which I hope I keep it up. Im really looking forward to all of my classes but honestly English of all of them, taking both English classes I hope to become better at writing and grammar. My goal is to at least get Bs in all of my classes which who knows it probably wont happen but Im going to try my hardest anyway! I really hope to do well, stay organized, and stay happy. Avoiding drama is something that really needs to happen even though i lost some friends to do so, I know I will be happier and more positive as a result of that. I think over the summer I realized doing well and being happy need to come before "friends". I really do believe I will succeed and at least be proud of what I do this school year, even if I don't reach all of my goals I just want to be proud and I want to know that if I can do this and reach these goals I know I will be able to do anything i set my mind to, and i plan to keep pushing myself so this is really just the first step.